Low

Well I'm on the Low part of the Roller Coaster...

And my heart is heavy.

I know that Satan is playing my emotions against me and I won't let him win. I just hate this feeling.

I have a doctors appointment today with my oh so wonderful (literally, she's wonderful) obgyn. Last week I had some pressure in my lower abdomen (its still there... just not horrible)... it wasn't painful, but it wasn't comfortable. So my OB wants to do an ultra-sound to make sure its not a cyst... she said it might be scar tissue from the surgery but she wants to rule out cyst first. Come to find out, my SIL (sister in law, who is pregnant) has an appointment today too... at my doctors... to find out if she is having a Boy or a Girl.

My heart is in shambles. I love my SIL, Truly I do. And I'm happy that Their family is growing... but thats just it... its theirs... not mine.

I have this day dream that at my appointment my Dr tells me that I'm the P word. Wishful thinking, I know. I'm setting myself up for a bad day. Its just that I pray every day for some kind of miracle. I don't care what kind it is... Just SOMETHING to ease the blows that just keep coming. But anything has yet to happen... More wishful thinking.

Like I said... My heart is heavy. There is nothing I can do to change that. Some days I wonder why I even get out of bed in the morning... If I didn't have to go to work I'd probably stay there all day.

Okay, I'm done now.

Carry on.